March 3 Where I Am
I am at a place in my life where I’ve accepted who I am as a mother of four and a wife to my best friend. I have many a dreams to uncover and fulfill but my ultimate goal is to take care of this dream that already came true for me.
From a very young age and being a part of a dysfunctional family, I asked for mercy and hoped for a family like the ones I saw on TV like Growing Pains, Family Ties, and The Cosby Show. I was oblivious to a higher power but noticed the Jesus tapestries and cross on the walls of my childhood home and even had a short season of Religious Education in elementary school. It was like I kept wishing on a star or sometimes Santa Claus came into mind! But I was in need of a Savior whom I succumbed to in the perilous postpartum battle after the birth of the twins.
My dream came true when I had my first child and I married my husband. That was the start of my family. Five years later we had a son and five years later we had twin girls who are pictured above. Now it took me a while to realize that I was granted this as I let the hardships of marriage and motherhood get to me. There was an enlightening feeling when I finally realized that this family that I was entrusted to was in fact my prayer being answered in my moments of despair as a young child.
Now it does sound like a fairy tale that I just made up but it is far from it when life is real and circumstances pop out out of nowhere. My husband and I bicker and we disagree. I sometimes yell at my children when the message that I am trying to get across isn’t heard clear from the same people who are able to hear a chip bag open from another room and my impatience can get the best of me like a whiny 2 year old waiting to be fed. Sometimes I feel the need to let everyone in my house know how I truly feel during our morning rush to school, dinner dilemmas, or unfinished chores.
Doesn’t sound pretty but it is all worth it as I take a moment to notice how quickly my teenager has grown as she is now physically looking eye to eye to me and my preteen son’s pants are ‘high waters’ (pidgeon slang for pants that are too small that it exposes the ankles). I have conquered the first five years with the twins in which the first 3 years was almost unbearable and driving me to the point of insanity. As my husband and I approach our 16th year of marriage and 19th year together, I can only express gratitude for meeting this wonderful fellow and through the years we have learned a lot about each other and, believe it or not, even after so many years, we learn new things about each other. Sometimes it can be scary or surprising as time changes us both but that is something that married couples must be open to.
So where I am now is a good place. I am thankful that I have overcome the worse. Now I observe and I see and I take advantage of the moments and time where it is possible to pick flowers, to smell the roses, to appreciate this place where I call home, to take each breath with gratitude, to wake up in awe of the rising sun, to marvel at the blessings of a passing storm. All my gratitude and praise I give to my Savior: Jesus Christ. He was with me all along even when I didn’t know of Him. I thank God for each and every moment that I am given. This is where I am.
“I am with you wherever, where you go is where I am.”-Matthew West’s ‘More’
Love and Blessings~